Being seen, being open
A few days ago at the 100 Taylor Arts Market, a woman came up to my booth and was casually perusing until she saw this sticker and stopped to pick it up and hold it in her hands.
She told me how much she liked it and I thanked her.
"It's inspired by endometriosis," I said, and I could tell she knew the topic well. She told me she had struggled with pelvic pain for a long time. When you meet another person with pelvic pain, there aren't a lot of words required to communicate your solidarity.
She decided to buy the sticker. I'm super appreciative for that, of course, but I am even more grateful for the experience of having created something that resonated with someone so deeply that it sort of stopped her in her tracks. I’m also grateful for her decision to be open and vulnerable in that moment, and share that detail about herself with me. I could tell just by watching her look at the illustration that it was a painful subject. I hope she is getting the help and relief she needs. I hope the sticker, wherever she puts it, reminds her that she is stronger than the pain. And that she is not alone.
About a year ago, I had a miscarriage in my bathroom. I was 9 weeks along. Two days after the miscarriage, I began having horrific abdominal pains — surging, rolling pain that moved through me in waves and had me on the floor, screaming out for help. At first I thought it was an endo flareup, some kind of reaction to the hormone roller coaster set off by the miscarriage. I ended up in the emergency room twice, and scans showed that I had another large endometrioma (to read about the first, click here) that the doctors suspected was twisting, causing massive pain. I went under the robot knife again to have it removed in early November. That time was a blur of doctor visits, ER visits, scans, pain pills, surgery, recovery, and anxious sleep. It was a huge relief to identify the source of the pain and have it removed, but it was a chilling reminder that my body is continually battling this silent, almost invisible thing inside me that threatens to invade and take over and harm everything it touches.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Pregnancy Loss and infertility are linked to reproductive conditions including endometriosis. What’s wild is that people are walking around all day every day with all this complicated stuff happening inside of them, all while having to, like, live life. I believe strongly that we should all speak freely about these experiences to help normalize them, destigmatize them, educate about them, and make them crystal clear to those who get to be blissfully ignorant of them. But, honestly, talking about chronic reproductive (or other) issues in this way can be exhausting and demoralizing.
If you have experienced endo, infertility, or pregnancy or infant loss, my heart is with you. And I hope you find comfort and relief.